I am leaving a lot of things for 2012, but she is big enough to handle the weight. So here goes my depression, lack of forgiveness, childhood hurts, insecurities, and so much more. I have carried these weights on me for so many years that they are now apart of my everyday life, and I can't shake them off. I have wore a mask for so many years, that I don't recognize my own face. 2012 you can keep the mask, because the real me would like to show up. Happy, Sad, Fat, Small, Up or Down. I am showing up.
My hurts have not only affected my life, but the life of my husband and children. My fears have crippled me from allowing my children to truly be children, because I trust no one with them. It has made my husband play the role of father to me many days , because I needed someone to take care of me. So 2012 I am leaving this for you as well, I decided I want to be healed and freed from my past.
I know that freedom, healing, and wholeness cost, but I am so tired of being in this space that I am willing to pay the cost. People that have hurt me have moved on with their lives, and I am stuck in the same place I was in 24 yrs ago. India.Arie sings a song called get it together, and there's a part to the song that says " And now you only have yourself to blame. If you continue to live this way. Get it together." This is my song for 2013.
I know that I have continued to live in pain, because forgiveness is so hard when the people you trust have hurt you. But this pain will stay in 2012. I know the journey isn't going to be easy, but I am so ready, because being healed has to be better than this. 2013 I welcome you. I welcome love, forgiveness, acceptance, friendship, success, truth, trust, healing, knock downs, and get ups. I also welcome the chance to grieve the little girl that lost her innocence to early. I am grateful to God that he has made me a survivor and I realize that I am not a victim anymore.
To everyone that reads this and assist in my healing whether it be good or bad, Thank You. I pray that God helps you find your healing along with me, and that you are able to leave your unwanted baggage for 2012.
Until the next blog. Miracles & Blessings